Empty screen, music that moves my soul and keys waiting to be directed.
I feel the sense of coming back to a friend that has been gone for too long. Yes, I have neglected this place of late....not out of disinterest, but for more involved reasons.
At times, since beginning the journey of accepting myself and moving forward through writing, others have commented on the transparency of the words that have come from within. And they are correct when they interpret transparency. For it is my very deepest thoughts that form in print.
Because of this, there are times in life when the inner thoughts are too much to open for perusal. When soul searching is too deep to share. When pains are too acute to bear before others. The transparency would be too much, and since that is how I write, it has been safer to abstain from this public display of my very being.
Over the last several months I have been becoming stronger......physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I have to say that the only one I feel I have had any control over is the physical growth. I have been leaving it all out there....on the track, the treadmill, the mat and wherever else I happened to find to beat my body into submission.
The other aspects of my growth have been simply in allowing my Lord to take me through the fires He has chosen for me and keeping my eyes on His dear face. The pain of physical exercise is beginning to show in my body. I feel strength where before I felt weakness. So also the strength of my faith increases as I allow him to do His work, painful though it may be.
There is no person on this earth who does not suffer. Each one can remember those times of loneliness....not loneliness because there is no one else around, but that which comes from being on a path that no one but Him can travel with you. We may fight against it for a time and try to pull others in, but growth will lead us to see, as Christian did in Pilgrim's Progress, that there is a time when we must walk along alone and then we will receive all the love, and guidance and strength for which we have been seeking. It is on that lonely road, and only there, that His face becomes clear and His heart beats in our ears.
If we continue on that road He will lead us on into more towns and places of service, but we will not forget that the journey is ours. Others come and go. We love some intensely, but we cannot walk their road for them or they for us.
We are so blessed if on this earth we are given one or two people who share our hopes, our dreams and with whom we feel completely loved and accepted. But even the greatest of relationships in this place cannot compare with the depth and beauty of the love of the One who has already borne our sorrows and our sins. There is nothing greater.
This place is a special one for me. I do hope you see my transparency......but through my transparency, I hope, you will see Jesus. Anything less than transparency would just block your view of Him.
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1,2
- My life revolves around four complicated and special children, a husband who is as much of a people person as I am not, and way too many pets. Chronic illness, homeschooling, home management and just trying to figure out how to love each other well, keeps me occupied hour by hour. I am burdened to share the truth of God's Word and show examples of His grace in my own daily life.