Owl's Head Lighthouse, Owl's Head, ME

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My life revolves around four complicated and special children, a husband who is as much of a people person as I am not, and way too many pets.  Chronic illness, homeschooling, home management and just trying to figure out how to love each other well, keeps me occupied hour by hour.  I am burdened to share the truth of God's Word and show examples of His grace in my own daily life. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wife, mother and in need of coffee!

For years now, I have been grieving over every single thing that I perceived as my failure as a wife, a mother and as a Christian woman. Today is the day that I am going to start treating those "failures" as wisdom-gathering experiences, and share my life with you. Self-doubt would be a word I could use frequently, were I to write an autobiography, and it certainly describes my feelings tonight. Yes, I am a homeschooling mother of four children. Yes, I am the wife of a wonderful man, whom I know loves us, even though we are often apart. And, yes, I am a woman that struggles with all the things that a woman today struggles with.

Because I know the Lord can use our weaknesses to help others, I share ours with you. While I love homeschooling, I struggle with guilt over choice of curriculum, working with my children's individual learning styles, providing sufficient extra-curricular activities, etc, etc, etc. If you homeschool then you probably get where I am coming from. If you don't, you probably still face numerous episodes of guilt over your individual circumstances. Somedays are great! I feel like I am successfully doing all those things that make me #1 Mom! Then I wake up, and realize I still need to get out of bed, make breakfast, find clean clothes, uncover the school work, score the tests I forgot about yesterday and make coffee----all before I lose my cool with some unsuspecting child. Oh yes, stop and have a meaningful quiet time with the Lord so that I do keep my cool-----which, of course, I would have done earlier if I had gone to bed on time last night, like I told myself I would.........Really need that coffee!

Now, I am sitting here again thinking I should hurry up and do what I need to so that I can get to bed on time. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" That is my encouragement. He really is still working on me! So that is how I am going to leave you for now. In our family we often dream about what heaven will be like. I'm pretty sure that if there is coffee in Heaven, that there, I will remember to prepare it the night before, and have the coffee pot on timer.


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