With the loss of my husband's job, we are forced to look forward in a new way, and probably in a new place. The emotions that come during a time like this are raw and personal. There is, however, a desire within to share some of it because I know so many others have or will go through this situation. So as simply as I am able, I will share our story over the next several weeks, with the hope that it will encourage someone else, and that it will give me purpose in another misty time of life.
In the past, I have written of the misty times of life. They are the times when nothing is clear. Our plans have fallen through, and we lose our ability to stay focused. They are times that are not understood until much later when we look back in the perfect vision of hindsight.
I cannot say that we did not see the inevitable coming. We knew this job would not last forever....nothing does. There had been signs for some time that we should begin looking toward our future. Our prayers have been frequently requesting direction for a future that was becoming increasingly unclear. My husband prayed, "Lord, I'm not as bright as I might be. Send me a neon sign if it is time for me to move on."
The Lord answered that prayer the day he was called into the office and notified that his position was "being eliminated". Ok. Moving on it is. The next questions immediately take center stage. Where? How? What now?
I found breathing to become increasingly difficult as the last days of work, and paychecks, came closer. Yes, I believe the Lord has a plan and will not leave us alone. He has promised to meet our needs. Yet, there is much in this situation that takes me back to the past. A past that hurts. A past of financial burden. A past of loss.
Please Lord, don't let us go back to the past. It hurts too much. The burden of being unable to pay our bills is too much. Please, Lord.
The thought comes quickly that maybe I must revisit the past once again, that there are times when we are given the opportunity to go back and do it again. With more experience, more maturity and more trust....a chance to go back in order to move forward.
My task in this as a wife and mother is in some ways easy....trusting. Trusting my Lord, and trusting the man he gave me. But in so many ways, this is the most difficult task of all. There really is very little I can do to affect the outcome. My task simply affects the day to day.
I must continue to be the symbol of life within my home. Each one must eat. the house must be cleaned. Recently emptied boxes must again be packed with the tidbits of our life. Children must be taught....and loved. My husband needs my love and support. These are the things I can do, and must. Most of all I am needed to be the face of security and love to my children.
The future is unclear. I do not know what we will face, but I pray that my focus will remain on the only One Who holds tomorrow. That my faith will be stronger tomorrow than it is today. That I will continue to hope, and that I will pass that hope onto the children God has given us. That my children will learn faith through the work God is doing in our lives today.
"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things." Matthew 6:31, 32
"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father, which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" Matthew 7:11