They want to know what's for supper.....AGAIN!
They, being the four that call me Mommy. Regardless of what else is happening in our lives they always want to know, "What's for supper?" It is a cry that is heard all over the world by mothers everywhere. And most of the time it is a trigger for confusion and monotony.
Oh, yeah. Supper. Didn't I just feed them? No that was two hours ago when I made about 5 gallons of popcorn. Often my mind is trained on too many things. I am thinking of my exercise plan for the day and grieving for the family members whose health continues to fail while I am away from them. Spelling tests, grading first and second grade math, nurturing our marriage, dishes that never end and the oversight of the growth of four very human little people all leave me feeling super-saturated with life.
As I attempt to retreat inside the walls of my mind, the cry comes from out there. "Supper? Food? Something to eat?" The emotion behind the words become more insistent the longer I attempt to retreat.
Can they really be that hungry....already?
I think maybe that the words they say are actually needing translation. "Mommy, do you see me? Are you thinking of me? Will you meet my needs? Mommy?"
When the words actually translate in my mind, I can look at them with love instead of annoyance. Can they tell my mind is elsewhere? No doubt.
Because their needs are as deep as my own, I will see what mommy-miracles I can perform with a can of beans and one of corn. It matters less to them what is on their plates than that it is placed there by the one they depend on. Their security is in knowing that the parents they love will continue to provide.
So I know, and long to be reassured, that my Provider will meet my ongoing and sometimes very messy needs. I come to Him, begging for help, without the right words to truly express my feelings, and yet He does not fail to fill the longings in my soul.
My words need no translator for He sees beyond them into my need.....and He meets me there. Unlike this mother, He is never failing.....never absent. He sees His child and He....always.....meets the need.
"...But ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ;" Rom. 8:15-17
"And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God." Rom. 8:27
"And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee." Psalms 9:10
Owl's Head Lighthouse, Owl's Head, ME
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Transparent
Empty screen, music that moves my soul and keys waiting to be directed.
I feel the sense of coming back to a friend that has been gone for too long. Yes, I have neglected this place of late....not out of disinterest, but for more involved reasons.
At times, since beginning the journey of accepting myself and moving forward through writing, others have commented on the transparency of the words that have come from within. And they are correct when they interpret transparency. For it is my very deepest thoughts that form in print.
Because of this, there are times in life when the inner thoughts are too much to open for perusal. When soul searching is too deep to share. When pains are too acute to bear before others. The transparency would be too much, and since that is how I write, it has been safer to abstain from this public display of my very being.
Over the last several months I have been becoming stronger......physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I have to say that the only one I feel I have had any control over is the physical growth. I have been leaving it all out there....on the track, the treadmill, the mat and wherever else I happened to find to beat my body into submission.
The other aspects of my growth have been simply in allowing my Lord to take me through the fires He has chosen for me and keeping my eyes on His dear face. The pain of physical exercise is beginning to show in my body. I feel strength where before I felt weakness. So also the strength of my faith increases as I allow him to do His work, painful though it may be.
There is no person on this earth who does not suffer. Each one can remember those times of loneliness....not loneliness because there is no one else around, but that which comes from being on a path that no one but Him can travel with you. We may fight against it for a time and try to pull others in, but growth will lead us to see, as Christian did in Pilgrim's Progress, that there is a time when we must walk along alone and then we will receive all the love, and guidance and strength for which we have been seeking. It is on that lonely road, and only there, that His face becomes clear and His heart beats in our ears.
If we continue on that road He will lead us on into more towns and places of service, but we will not forget that the journey is ours. Others come and go. We love some intensely, but we cannot walk their road for them or they for us.
We are so blessed if on this earth we are given one or two people who share our hopes, our dreams and with whom we feel completely loved and accepted. But even the greatest of relationships in this place cannot compare with the depth and beauty of the love of the One who has already borne our sorrows and our sins. There is nothing greater.
This place is a special one for me. I do hope you see my transparency......but through my transparency, I hope, you will see Jesus. Anything less than transparency would just block your view of Him.
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1,2
I feel the sense of coming back to a friend that has been gone for too long. Yes, I have neglected this place of late....not out of disinterest, but for more involved reasons.
At times, since beginning the journey of accepting myself and moving forward through writing, others have commented on the transparency of the words that have come from within. And they are correct when they interpret transparency. For it is my very deepest thoughts that form in print.
Because of this, there are times in life when the inner thoughts are too much to open for perusal. When soul searching is too deep to share. When pains are too acute to bear before others. The transparency would be too much, and since that is how I write, it has been safer to abstain from this public display of my very being.
Over the last several months I have been becoming stronger......physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I have to say that the only one I feel I have had any control over is the physical growth. I have been leaving it all out there....on the track, the treadmill, the mat and wherever else I happened to find to beat my body into submission.
The other aspects of my growth have been simply in allowing my Lord to take me through the fires He has chosen for me and keeping my eyes on His dear face. The pain of physical exercise is beginning to show in my body. I feel strength where before I felt weakness. So also the strength of my faith increases as I allow him to do His work, painful though it may be.
There is no person on this earth who does not suffer. Each one can remember those times of loneliness....not loneliness because there is no one else around, but that which comes from being on a path that no one but Him can travel with you. We may fight against it for a time and try to pull others in, but growth will lead us to see, as Christian did in Pilgrim's Progress, that there is a time when we must walk along alone and then we will receive all the love, and guidance and strength for which we have been seeking. It is on that lonely road, and only there, that His face becomes clear and His heart beats in our ears.
If we continue on that road He will lead us on into more towns and places of service, but we will not forget that the journey is ours. Others come and go. We love some intensely, but we cannot walk their road for them or they for us.
We are so blessed if on this earth we are given one or two people who share our hopes, our dreams and with whom we feel completely loved and accepted. But even the greatest of relationships in this place cannot compare with the depth and beauty of the love of the One who has already borne our sorrows and our sins. There is nothing greater.
This place is a special one for me. I do hope you see my transparency......but through my transparency, I hope, you will see Jesus. Anything less than transparency would just block your view of Him.
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1,2
Friday, December 24, 2010
My Gift
The day before Christmas, and I try to think through the items still needing to be completed from my mental "to-do" list. Yes, there is more to do, but, surprisingly, much is done. We won't be going anywhere and no one is coming here so we have the joy of keeping it simple. Some cooking today to make the house have the sweet scents we associate with the season. A few more presents to wrap, but I have four willing wrappers to help with that chore.
Mostly, I am contemplating my gift for the One to which we owe everything. For it is that gift I am finding woefully inadequate this year. As I look over my heart I see it bruised and somewhat battered. That part of me that should be looking out and blessing others has been turned inward of late. And I wonder if I have failed Him in this season.
I can share this, because I know it would be an odd person, indeed, who did not understand these feelings. How can I give Him anything when all I want to do on many days is to curl up and save myself? There does not seem to be enough of me to do everything that needs to be done. There does not seem to be enough of me at times to meet all the needs within my own home, say nothing about reaching out beyond our walls.
But there is a sweetness that comes to my heart as I sit quietly. The knowledge that He understands the bruising. His message is healing as I hear Him say, "I know the pain. I have felt it too. I know because I bore it first."
When no one else understands, He does. So as I think of how many ways I should be serving and have not, I relax. His patience is great. His blessings are many. And I marvel at the little ways He brings encouragement and blessing to me. Much as a mother would nurse a child back from sickness, my Saviour cares for my heart.
He loves me. He cares for me. He holds me. And because of this, I know that I am better able to love, care and hold others. Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow, or the next day. He will always give me opportunities to share what He does for me so often. So while the gift I bring to Him today may seem inadequate, it is exactly what He wants from me.
Myself....broken, impaired. Bowed before Him, and allowing Him to do His work.
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4,5
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
Mostly, I am contemplating my gift for the One to which we owe everything. For it is that gift I am finding woefully inadequate this year. As I look over my heart I see it bruised and somewhat battered. That part of me that should be looking out and blessing others has been turned inward of late. And I wonder if I have failed Him in this season.
I can share this, because I know it would be an odd person, indeed, who did not understand these feelings. How can I give Him anything when all I want to do on many days is to curl up and save myself? There does not seem to be enough of me to do everything that needs to be done. There does not seem to be enough of me at times to meet all the needs within my own home, say nothing about reaching out beyond our walls.
But there is a sweetness that comes to my heart as I sit quietly. The knowledge that He understands the bruising. His message is healing as I hear Him say, "I know the pain. I have felt it too. I know because I bore it first."
When no one else understands, He does. So as I think of how many ways I should be serving and have not, I relax. His patience is great. His blessings are many. And I marvel at the little ways He brings encouragement and blessing to me. Much as a mother would nurse a child back from sickness, my Saviour cares for my heart.
He loves me. He cares for me. He holds me. And because of this, I know that I am better able to love, care and hold others. Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow, or the next day. He will always give me opportunities to share what He does for me so often. So while the gift I bring to Him today may seem inadequate, it is exactly what He wants from me.
Myself....broken, impaired. Bowed before Him, and allowing Him to do His work.
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4,5
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Too Much
Sometimes there is too much pain. Sometimes there is too much joy. Overwhelmed, we cry....we laugh. We grieve.....we thank. In each case there seems more than our being can bear. Our souls feel that they must burst with the fullness of feeling.
Prayer becomes more intense, but uses fewer words. "Help me" or "thank-you" express the simple but deep feelings of our hearts. We feel less in control, and more in debt. Our hearts touch the heart of the Saviour in a new and exquisite way. He touches us.
Perhaps the overwhelming flood will be relieved when in His presence we are allowed full access to our created purposes. When relieved of the burden of sin, our souls are free to experience the intensity we were meant to own.
In that day, beauty will be more fully appreciated and pain will be only a fire of our past that has performed it's work.
Thank-you, Lord for that for which we hope. Thank-you for the exquisiteness of your character. Your very Being overwhelms us in our sinful present. We cannot appreciate you the way we wish today, but we long for the day when our being can meld with Yours for the rest of eternity.
"One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple."
"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the LORD." (Ps. 27:4,13,14)
"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Cor. 4:18)
Prayer becomes more intense, but uses fewer words. "Help me" or "thank-you" express the simple but deep feelings of our hearts. We feel less in control, and more in debt. Our hearts touch the heart of the Saviour in a new and exquisite way. He touches us.
Perhaps the overwhelming flood will be relieved when in His presence we are allowed full access to our created purposes. When relieved of the burden of sin, our souls are free to experience the intensity we were meant to own.
In that day, beauty will be more fully appreciated and pain will be only a fire of our past that has performed it's work.
Thank-you, Lord for that for which we hope. Thank-you for the exquisiteness of your character. Your very Being overwhelms us in our sinful present. We cannot appreciate you the way we wish today, but we long for the day when our being can meld with Yours for the rest of eternity.
"One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple."
"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the LORD." (Ps. 27:4,13,14)
"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Cor. 4:18)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Comfort, Food and Success
Health. Fitness. These two words are not ones that I frequently use in my writing. The reason? Well.....I think its because it means hard work. There is nothing about it that can be romanticized or appear beautiful. It is easier to avoid the topic because it can quickly take me out of my comfort zone. For many of us, comfort means food. And who wants to really look at our food choices under a microscope? We want what we want, when we want it!
Yes, I would like to be healthy. I would like to be fit. Who doesn't? But like so many things, we can talk about it and wish for it, but until we get serious about changing, we will never see success. It means denying myself at times and sweating frequently. Hmmmm.....see why I don't write about it?
There is no magic formula for fitness. And yet, from years of experience, I can tell you that it requires more than just following a food and work-out plan. Don't misunderstand. It does take those things. Within each of us, though, is a place that can undermine our attempts at fitness. That place is our personal "safe zone". While we may venture out from there, often with visions of improving ourselves in any of various ways, when life becomes overwhelming we retreat back to the "safe place." At some point in our lives we learned to feed ourselves in that place. The flavors, textures and scents that we have come to associate with it are life lines. I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing.
The problem comes when we dwell in that place of comfort instead of resting briefly. It comes when we continue to depend upon food (or other type of comfort) to be our main source of comfort. Held there by our fears and failures we sink deeper into self-comfort mode. The tremendous need of humans, and especially women, to feel safe and secure is something that the Creator placed within us. Why then, do we fail to reach up to Him who longs to meet that need? Why do we insist on attempting to meet it alone?
As much as I wish cheesecake or swiss cake rolls could make me whole, they never will. So once again I am left with a choice. Do I reach for the ice cream or cheesecake or do I trust the Lord and go for a walk. When will I really understand that I don't need that food? That there is something better that the Lord wants for me?
Walking, I find time to talk with Him. "Why," I ask, "do I always fail at this? Why can't I conquer this area of my life? Is it even possible to lose the weight that has held me down for so long?"
The soft answer comes, and I know that it is not this weight that has weighed me down. The physical weight is only a symptom of a larger problem. The body is science. If I burn more calories than I eat, I will lose weight. There is something else.....roadblocks I have placed in my own path over the years.
As life happens, it is so easy to begin to see yourself as a helpless victim. And maybe in some ways we are. The problem isn't being the victim, its the seeing....seeing ourselves. If our eyes were trained on the Saviour instead of on ourselves and our circumstances, so many patterns of our lives would be changed.
That is why it cannot be that I make time for working out OR for devotions. They must both take place for me to be whole. And I don't mean a stiff, formal reading of prescribed Scripture, and a hurried prayer. There must be a spiritual meeting between my spirit and that of my Comforter. When that takes place, a peace and wholeness pervade my being. The emptiness no longer needs to be filled.
But just as one delicious dinner cannot meet our continued dietary needs, neither can one precious time with the Lord meet all our continued spiritual needs. It must be constant return to the source of fulfillment. We must become more aware of our own spiritual thirst and have the discipline to return for more of the sweetest water available.
No, it is not easy. It is, in fact, more difficult than the most difficult work-out routine. But the rewards are far sweeter than we can ever appreciate in our physical bodies.
I do believe that "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." His strength is real and so much stronger than our own. When He calls me I must bow my knee and acknowledge His Lordship in my life. As I look to Him, the other things of life will be corrected. Yes, it will take physical work and self-denial, but if my spirit is full I will continue to succeed.
Today, may I make each choice looking at the face of the Saviour who gave everything for me. Is He enough???
"Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from Him cometh my salvation. He ONLY is my rock and my salvation: He is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved....Trust in Him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." (Ps. 62:1-2,8)
Yes, I would like to be healthy. I would like to be fit. Who doesn't? But like so many things, we can talk about it and wish for it, but until we get serious about changing, we will never see success. It means denying myself at times and sweating frequently. Hmmmm.....see why I don't write about it?
There is no magic formula for fitness. And yet, from years of experience, I can tell you that it requires more than just following a food and work-out plan. Don't misunderstand. It does take those things. Within each of us, though, is a place that can undermine our attempts at fitness. That place is our personal "safe zone". While we may venture out from there, often with visions of improving ourselves in any of various ways, when life becomes overwhelming we retreat back to the "safe place." At some point in our lives we learned to feed ourselves in that place. The flavors, textures and scents that we have come to associate with it are life lines. I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing.
The problem comes when we dwell in that place of comfort instead of resting briefly. It comes when we continue to depend upon food (or other type of comfort) to be our main source of comfort. Held there by our fears and failures we sink deeper into self-comfort mode. The tremendous need of humans, and especially women, to feel safe and secure is something that the Creator placed within us. Why then, do we fail to reach up to Him who longs to meet that need? Why do we insist on attempting to meet it alone?
As much as I wish cheesecake or swiss cake rolls could make me whole, they never will. So once again I am left with a choice. Do I reach for the ice cream or cheesecake or do I trust the Lord and go for a walk. When will I really understand that I don't need that food? That there is something better that the Lord wants for me?
Walking, I find time to talk with Him. "Why," I ask, "do I always fail at this? Why can't I conquer this area of my life? Is it even possible to lose the weight that has held me down for so long?"
The soft answer comes, and I know that it is not this weight that has weighed me down. The physical weight is only a symptom of a larger problem. The body is science. If I burn more calories than I eat, I will lose weight. There is something else.....roadblocks I have placed in my own path over the years.
As life happens, it is so easy to begin to see yourself as a helpless victim. And maybe in some ways we are. The problem isn't being the victim, its the seeing....seeing ourselves. If our eyes were trained on the Saviour instead of on ourselves and our circumstances, so many patterns of our lives would be changed.
That is why it cannot be that I make time for working out OR for devotions. They must both take place for me to be whole. And I don't mean a stiff, formal reading of prescribed Scripture, and a hurried prayer. There must be a spiritual meeting between my spirit and that of my Comforter. When that takes place, a peace and wholeness pervade my being. The emptiness no longer needs to be filled.
But just as one delicious dinner cannot meet our continued dietary needs, neither can one precious time with the Lord meet all our continued spiritual needs. It must be constant return to the source of fulfillment. We must become more aware of our own spiritual thirst and have the discipline to return for more of the sweetest water available.
No, it is not easy. It is, in fact, more difficult than the most difficult work-out routine. But the rewards are far sweeter than we can ever appreciate in our physical bodies.
I do believe that "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." His strength is real and so much stronger than our own. When He calls me I must bow my knee and acknowledge His Lordship in my life. As I look to Him, the other things of life will be corrected. Yes, it will take physical work and self-denial, but if my spirit is full I will continue to succeed.
Today, may I make each choice looking at the face of the Saviour who gave everything for me. Is He enough???
"Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from Him cometh my salvation. He ONLY is my rock and my salvation: He is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved....Trust in Him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." (Ps. 62:1-2,8)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)