The day before Christmas, and I try to think through the items still needing to be completed from my mental "to-do" list. Yes, there is more to do, but, surprisingly, much is done. We won't be going anywhere and no one is coming here so we have the joy of keeping it simple. Some cooking today to make the house have the sweet scents we associate with the season. A few more presents to wrap, but I have four willing wrappers to help with that chore.
Mostly, I am contemplating my gift for the One to which we owe everything. For it is that gift I am finding woefully inadequate this year. As I look over my heart I see it bruised and somewhat battered. That part of me that should be looking out and blessing others has been turned inward of late. And I wonder if I have failed Him in this season.
I can share this, because I know it would be an odd person, indeed, who did not understand these feelings. How can I give Him anything when all I want to do on many days is to curl up and save myself? There does not seem to be enough of me to do everything that needs to be done. There does not seem to be enough of me at times to meet all the needs within my own home, say nothing about reaching out beyond our walls.
But there is a sweetness that comes to my heart as I sit quietly. The knowledge that He understands the bruising. His message is healing as I hear Him say, "I know the pain. I have felt it too. I know because I bore it first."
When no one else understands, He does. So as I think of how many ways I should be serving and have not, I relax. His patience is great. His blessings are many. And I marvel at the little ways He brings encouragement and blessing to me. Much as a mother would nurse a child back from sickness, my Saviour cares for my heart.
He loves me. He cares for me. He holds me. And because of this, I know that I am better able to love, care and hold others. Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow, or the next day. He will always give me opportunities to share what He does for me so often. So while the gift I bring to Him today may seem inadequate, it is exactly what He wants from me.
Myself....broken, impaired. Bowed before Him, and allowing Him to do His work.
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4,5
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6