Life's Words

There are times that words cannot adequately convey the thoughts and feelings of the heart. I doubt that they ever truly capture the intensity of feeling we as humans experience. There is, however, little we can do but use the system of communication already in place.

Life, in all it's complexity, is expressed as well as possible, one word at a time.

Life, for a mother, is lived one day at a time. Intense emotions are set aside as the pressing needs of those who depend upon us are before us. We feel deeply, but we see and remember that our feelings are less important than the daily needs of our children.

They must feel secure, even when we feel insecure. They must be protected, even when we feel under attack. They must be provided for, even when we feel abandoned. They must feel loved, no matter what.

This is the life of a mother. To do less, would be to abandon the life to which we are called. And yet, this so often results in our own lonliness and sense of isolation. Our hearts ache for comfort and connectedness.

Oh that we would remember that there is One who holds us when we feel insecure, protects us when we are under attack, provides for us always and loves us, no matter what. He is our Example.

At the end of the day, when their needs have (hopefully) been met, I sit and attempt to express the feelings held in through the day using feeble words and imperfect phrases. The words are weak, but the emotions are universal. Because of this, I know that every other mother can understand the truth herein.

We hold ourselves together for them, but we must express our feelings or die. I feel sadness, but feel perfectly blessed. I am tired, but know "His strength is perfect". I am anxious, but know that my God, my Lord, will not leave me destitute.

My day is over, but tomorrow is another.

"I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me." Psalm 3:5

My Gift

The day before Christmas, and I try to think through the items still needing to be completed from my mental "to-do" list. Yes, there is more to do, but, surprisingly, much is done. We won't be going anywhere and no one is coming here so we have the joy of keeping it simple. Some cooking today to make the house have the sweet scents we associate with the season. A few more presents to wrap, but I have four willing wrappers to help with that chore.

Mostly, I am contemplating my gift for the One to which we owe everything. For it is that gift I am finding woefully inadequate this year. As I look over my heart I see it bruised and somewhat battered. That part of me that should be looking out and blessing others has been turned inward of late. And I wonder if I have failed Him in this season.

I can share this, because I know it would be an odd person, indeed, who did not understand these feelings. How can I give Him anything when all I want to do on many days is to curl up and save myself? There does not seem to be enough of me to do everything that needs to be done. There does not seem to be enough of me at times to meet all the needs within my own home, say nothing about reaching out beyond our walls.

But there is a sweetness that comes to my heart as I sit quietly. The knowledge that He understands the bruising. His message is healing as I hear Him say, "I know the pain. I have felt it too. I know because I bore it first."

When no one else understands, He does. So as I think of how many ways I should be serving and have not, I relax. His patience is great. His blessings are many. And I marvel at the little ways He brings encouragement and blessing to me. Much as a mother would nurse a child back from sickness, my Saviour cares for my heart.

He loves me. He cares for me. He holds me. And because of this, I know that I am better able to love, care and hold others. Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow, or the next day. He will always give me opportunities to share what He does for me so often. So while the gift I bring to Him today may seem inadequate, it is exactly what He wants from me.

Myself....broken, impaired. Bowed before Him, and allowing Him to do His work.

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4,5

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

The Ministry of the Stranger

We knew that the convention would be one of the worst and were disheartened to realize that no one could be available to help him.

To represent a Christian curriculum company along the home-school convention circuit means to spend April to August on the road, often 60+ hours per week. Contact with hundreds, perhaps thousands of people on some level during that time. Long hours on feet, so many questions answered, back sore from unloading and reloading only to get back on the road and do it all again at the next stop.

The largest gatherings are nearly impossible to manage without assistance of some kind. While we had been hoping that somehow I would be available to help, in the end, the realities of four children, a dog and two cats pointed to the job He had for me now.

So he left for yet another state, and our hearts were heavy realizing the load that Daddy would carry over the next several days. We prayed for him. Prayed that somehow his body and mind would hold out, that he would have safety on the road, and that he would be able to be a blessing to someone this week. We prayed that God would meet his needs---but perhaps our faith was small.

We rejoiced with him when he called to say that the first day had been light. While that meant fewer sales, it also meant Daddy's load was lighter. We knew that the next two days would probably be a different story. Because of that he would be busy and we would have to wait for night to hear how he had fared.

So it was with surprise that I answered the phone the following day around noon and saw his number on the screen.

How is it going?" I asked, dreading the answer, but his voice was light, encouraged.

"I actually have a couple here right now helping me."

"What? I thought you had tried everyone and no one could come?"

He explained. "Well, I had a line of people in front of me this morning waiting for help. I saw this couple waiting over at the side, and recognized them as customers I knew. They had placed their order yesterday. So when I got through that line, I asked them if there was anything I could help them with. They said, "Actually, we were hoping maybe we could help you. We can see that you are backed up, is there anything we can do?"

Later that night he called to say that the couple had stayed all day, answering people's questions the best they could and just helping with managing the numbers of people coming through. Not only that, but they had said they would be back the next day.

And they were. For two days, they stood by his side, refusing the offer of payment, just following the leading of the Lord in their own lives. My husband said that without their help, sales would have been much less, but also that he would have been unable to manage the crowds.

While this was a few months ago, now, we think in awe of how the Lord provided in this situation. He chose to use two servants of His who were willing to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit to meet the needs of another child of God.

I wonder if I had been the one there, would I have had the courage to follow that leading--offering my help simply on the basis of seeing someone bogged down in work. I am so challenged by these two. Sometimes God works, miraculously. Sometimes he actually sends angels to meet our needs, but sometimes there are Christians who are living such a Spirit-guided, love-filled life that they are ready vessels to be used of Him.

My prayer can only be that my ears and my heart will be tuned to Him each day, and that my response will be that of a willing servant.....as it was with these two.


"And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give His life a ransom for many." (Mark 10:44, 45)

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (I Pet. 4:8-10)