Owl's Head Lighthouse, Owl's Head, ME

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My life revolves around four complicated and special children, a husband who is as much of a people person as I am not, and way too many pets.  Chronic illness, homeschooling, home management and just trying to figure out how to love each other well, keeps me occupied hour by hour.  I am burdened to share the truth of God's Word and show examples of His grace in my own daily life. 

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Gentle Wisdom

I lay exhausted with back against the pillows. What part of my mind is it that thinks I can do this? This life with four children, and all the accompanying stresses. I see other mothers enjoying the ride of it all. Loving the excitement and adventure. I am envious.

Coffee cannot replace the life that has been used up. Thinking of days gone by, when responsibilities were few, leads to strong feelings of discontent. Days of cooing infants, easily pacified by mother's presence, are gone. The infants grow and become complicated people, much like the parents they came from. Drama seems to be a way of life.

Scraped knees to inside hurts---some are easier to comfort away than others. Tears of children cause more tears in me. So hard to see the pain. Knees can be bandaged and kissed. What of the other hurts?

It hurts to watch them because I too have felt that pain. And almost anything is preferable to watching your precious ones endure the same.

So much of this leaves me drained. Can I do what is required? Will I know how to help them as their trials become bigger? What if I am the one that adds to their pain?

Prayers and tears go together more frequently. I think of the Words from the morning, "Wisdom hath builded her house." Do I have her---enough wisdom to train and comfort and love these four? No.

More of the Words come back, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; and the knowledge of the holy is understanding." (Pr.9:10) Aah. The answer is one that I have known for many years, and yet is so hard to grasp. I have been given access to the One Who is wisdom.

What a fool I will prove to be if I do not regularly access that One, in His place. He Who offers that wisdom liberally, if I will simply ask.

The floor beside the bed of a mother should be worn through, and the pillow be wet with tears. Together, they will bear those children through to the One that will carry them. The One Who will provide them comfort when I cannot.

My children are His children, and He does not take lightly the prayers of His saints. The words of Luke 11 bring comfort, but not without conviction.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For everyone that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.....If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children; how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him?"

And lest I fear that the awesomeness of that wisdom will be too much for this lowly mother, He gives this promise:

"the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." (Js.3:17)

I can always trust in the One Who knew my children before they were formed. Before their natures were pieced together with precision. He dries my tears, and He can certainly do the same for them.

2 comments:

  1. How I have struggled with these same questions. I didn't feel adequate and was overwhelmed with the task before me. I remember standing at the sink and knowing all four of my children were going through deep waters and I didn't know how to help. The Lord has always been there for me, but so many times as a young Mom I did not grab hold of Him as I should have. What a blessing to see my daughter hanging on to the One that gives us our all in all. I am confident He will bring you through it all and you will look back and see God's work in and through you.
    Years may go by and you may wonder did you help them at all,but there will be moments like I have now, when I see God's wonderful sufficient grace working in their lives.

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  2. Thank you, Tammy, I so struggle with these things so often. This morning I got up and immediately thought of the million things I needed to do, but just made myself focus and take the time to sit down with my Bible and just try to glean a small something to sustain me through my day. I feel like I have so little to give sometimes, to the Lord, to my kids, to all the other responsibilities, but I was blessed this morning as I felt the Lord saying He wasn't concerned with all I could give, He just wanted me to receive all He could give. Trying to be a funnel for that grace from the Lord to my children is a balancing act, but it's such a blessing when I feel the Lord guiding my steps. Keep up the writing, it is so encouraging to me!!!

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